Akatsuki Buys a Boat
by AkiraDawn
Summary: Bon Voyage! It's time to sail the high seas...okay well maybe a nearby lake or bay. Akatsuki are PROUD boat owners...okay they're boat owners. But does anyone know how to sail the boat? I hope at least they can all swim! Rated M for language. R&R! Enjoy!
1. Wet Dream, Yeah

Akatsuki Buys a Boat

I don't own Naruto or anything related to Naruto. I don't make any profits from anything I write.

"Sasooooooooriiiiiii!" Deidara called into the house with his eyes sparkling. "Sasori?" he called again. "Saosri! There you are, yeah! Quick come outside, yeah! Come outside and see what me and Itachi did this morning!" Deidara was so excited. Sasori looked less than thrilled. If Itachi and Deidara did something that morning whatever it was there was no way in hell it could be something good. "Come on, come outside Sasori, yeah. Oh my god you are going to think me and Itachi are so cool!" Deidara said leading him outside. "Okay, now close your eyes, yeah." Deidara said nearly squealing.

"I swear to god Deidara if you and Itachi have done something stupid…"

"Shhhhh! Just come with me Sasori, yeah!" Deidara grabbed Sasori's arm and led him into the driveway. "Okay….open your eyes, yeah!" Deidara said letting go of Sasori.

"Oh my freaking god what the hell have you two done!?" Sasori asked in shock.

"IT'S A BOAT, YEAH! A SAILBOAT!" Deidar screamed. Sasori said nothing at all he just started at Itachi standing right in the middle of a 23 foot sailboat.

"Check it out Sasori. Am I not made for this boat?" Itachi said flipping black hair everywhere.

"How did you….what did you….oh my….god….you not only went out and fucking bought a sailboat….but I can't help but notice that you named the boat WET DREAM, YEAH. Gee, I wonder which of you two MORONS named the boat." Sasori said about ready to kill them both.

"I DID!" Deidara said jumping up and down. "See it's a really neat way of using a sexual…" Sasori cut Deidara off.

"Shut up, just shut up. Shut the hell up! Kisame is going to kick both of your asses when he sees this! Oh my god, when Pein hears about this….you know what screw it….take that boat back to wherever the fuck you got it and I won't say anything to anyone." Sasori tried to bargain.

"Sasori, we're taking Dana and Marisol and we're going to pick out couch cushions for the cabin later." Itachi said getting off the sailboat.

"No you are most certainly not picking out any fucking cushions! You're not getting any accessories for this boat AT ALL! Get this thing out of our driveway!" Sasori demanded.

"Let me think on that Sasori…um….NO. This is OUR boat. Owning a sai;boat is hot….like us." Itachi said pointing to him and Deidara.

"YOU TWO DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO OPERATE A SAILBOAT!" Sasori screamed at them.

"Helloooooo! Sasori, I so got this book, yeah!" Deidara shoved a book in Sasori's face.

"Sailboats for Dumb Asses." Sasori read the title out loud. "Deidara there is no way you would EVER be able to understand this book. Now get this thing out of our driveway before Kisame and Zetsu get home from their Pilates class.

"No Sasori! We have a boat now! Akatsui are PROUD FUCKING BOAT OWNERS! You….are going to have to get over it." Itachi said.

"You know what, I'm not going to raise my blood pressure any more over this. You're just going to have to explain to Kisame and Zetsu why there is a damn 23 foot sailboat in our driveway." Sasori stormed off back into the house.

"Come Deidara let's get Marisol and Dana we need to decorate the boat." Itachi said excitedly jumping off the boat.

"Oh my god! I want to get those fun summer themed plates for the kitchen, yeah!" Deidara said chasing after Itachi into the house.

"Dana! Marisol! Come down here. Don't talk to Sasori though, he's being mean!" Itachi yelled up the stairs.

"Oh my god! Is the boat out there, yeah!? I so can't wait to see it!" Dana squealed running down the stairs with Marisol close behind. Once outside the girls screamed with delight at the sight of the new sailboat. "Let's go buy stuff for the inside!" Marisol said nearly ready to burst.

"I know! That's what we're going to do next, yeah!" Deidara told her. Back inside, Hidan emerged from his daily Jaashin meditation to the sound of a slamming door.

"Sasori? Was that you? Are you okay?" He asked through the door. Sasori opened the door for him.

"Have you looked outside yet?" Sasori asked.

"Seriously, no? Why…did Tobi roll around in the mulch again? Zetsu gets so mad when he does that." Hidan said.

"Oh believe me, I WISH that was the problem. Come here." Sasori led Hidan outside.

"Holy shit….that's a sailboat. Sasori seriously, do any of us even know how to operate a sailboat?" Hidan asked.

"I'm going to tell you a secret…me and Lola do. She taught me how in new England. But that is so beside the point! Itachi and Deidara did this! They ran out and bought a fucking boat and now here it is in our driveway!" Sasori said. "Come on, have a glass of whiskey with me."

"Wow…Kisame and Zetsu are going to kill them." Hidan said closing the front door on the disaster in the driveway. "Seriously, you know how much Zetsu frowns upon impromptu purchases."

"I just…I will never understand how their minds work. I realize that Deidara has no brain but Itachi is smarter than that!" Sasori said pouring a glass of whiskey. "And worst of all….Itachi, Deidara, Dana and Marisol went to get cushions and other décor for the boat. God, it's times like these I just want to leave Akatsuki for good!"

"Sersiously, how many times have you threatened to leave?" Hidan asked.

"Yeah…too many." Sasori said hoping the whiskey would calm his blood pressure.

"Let's face it. We live in a house with two designer divas, a tight ass money hording whore, an overzealous example of childish youth, a plant experiment gone horribly wrong and man who is convinced his father was a shark…oh then there's you and me and seriously we're okay." Hidan said. Sasori shook his head in agreement. Just then the front door opened revealing Konan with a bizarre look on her face.

"Okay, I understand the whiskey but please tell me whose idea the boat was." Konan said coming through the door.

"Hi Konan, come have a glass with me. I'm trying to deal with the fact that Itachi and Deidara are completely retarded. Deidara comes busting through the door all excited about a freaking boat. God, I hate my life right now." Saosri said.

"You know I'd have a glass of whiskey with you whether you were trying ot lower your blood pressure or not." Konan said reassuringly. "God, you should see Pein out there, he's just staring at it thinking what the fuck."

"I am honestly wondering if Itachi is going to die today because Kisame is sick of him pulling shit like this. Like that time he showed up with a complete new wardrobe…shit he spent $4,700 dollars in three hours!" Sasori said.

"You're right. Kisame was so pissed at him…but seriously he looked good." Hidan admitted. Sasori sighed.

"When does Itachi not look good? That's his thing. My thing is replacing Lola's Blackberry every time she hurls one across the room when her secretary or one of her partners calls and pisses her off. You're thing is Jaashin and Deidara's thing is Itachi's thing….god this whiskey must be working because that didn't sound right at all. But you knew what I meant." Sasori said.

"Konan? Are you all drinking whiskey? Is it because of the boat?" Pein asked coming through the door still shocked by the sight in the driveway.

"Yes and yes. Come one you can have a glass too." Konan said.

"Okay, before you tell me why there is a boat in the driveway I'm going to guess that it somehow involves Deidara judging by the name of the boat."Pein said.

"First, I have no fucking clue WHY the boat is in the driveway but I can tell you that it definitely involves Deidara." Sasori said.

"God, that means Dana and Marisol are going to indirectly be the ones in charge of the boat." Pein said. Unfortunately no one had thought that far ahead.

"Oh shit…..he's right…don't worry Sasori….it'll be sunk tomorrow." Hidan said trying to reassure him. Sasori's head hit the table.

"Why! Why? Why! Why? Is this god's way of punishing me?" Sasori said. Yes, leave it to captain sexiness and first mate blond bomb to mess things up!


	2. Whiskey and A Boat

"Oh my god these are only the cutest pillows ever!" Marisol said as the decorating of the sailboat had begun. That wasn't really the annoying part but the fact that every single hit Cascada has ever had could be heard blasting halfway down the street wasn't exactly pleasant.

"Oh…my….god….Zetsu….look what's happening in our driveway…" Kisame said incredibly pissed.

"What the…Kisame…what did they do? Is that…a sailboat?" Zetsu asked.

"It is….and Itachi has a HELL of a lot of explaining to do!" Kisame hissed.

"I'll be right back to help you but I need to check on Tobi." Zetsu said.

"ITACHI!" Kisame yelled.

"Oh hey Kisame! Do you like the boat, yeah?" the bikini clad Dana asked from the top of the deck.

"Dana….sweetheart…I'm going to need to talk to Itachi right now! AND TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN! GOD YOU CAN HEAR IT DOWN THE STREET!" Kisame was far from pleased.

"Hey Kisame! God, do I look good with this or what? I mean, I never realized how much a hotter a boat made me! Oh, come look at the inside!" Itachi said excitedly.

"Itachi…WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU JUST GO OUT AND BUY A SAILBOAT!? WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAIL A SAILBOAT! WE CAN'T AFFORD INSURANCE ON A SAILBOAT BECAUSE OF DANA'S SHOE FESTISH! OH MY GOD! DEIDARA NAMED THE DAMN THING!" Kisame said walking around to the back of the boat. "YOU KNOW WHAT! FORGET YOU! FORGET THIS! I'M GOING IN THE HOUSE AND PRETENDING IT'S NOT IN OUR DRIVEWAY!" Kisame stormed in the house.

"Itachi, we totally forgot to get a tablecloth while we were out." Marisol said.

"Hmmm…it's okay we can go back into town and get a table cloth and some of those tiki torches to put on the deck." Itachi said.

"Hey Kisame, seriously, you saw the boat. I can tell by that enraged look on your face." Hidan said.

"I have truly had it with him! I swear I am not going to talk to him the rest of the day, the rest of the week maybe even the rest of the month!" Kisame said.

"Seriously, we've been drinking the problem in the driveway away…you want to join us?" Hidan asked.

"Yes, might as well." Kisame said sighing.

"By the way, Kakuzu and Tobi know nothing of this yet. So we need to keep our mouths shut until they discover it on their own. Tobi will think it's wonderful and Kakuzu will know it cost a lot of money." Pein said. Just as Kisame lifted his glass of whiskey Lola came through the door ranting on her phone.

"I don't give a shit Steven! This has gone on for two weeks! I want that fucking file SIGNED and on my desk Monday morning at 8:15! 8:15 do you hear me!? No, no, no, don't you give me that bullshit Steven. On my desk at fuckin' 8:15 Monday morning! I don't care how many dollars it's going to cost him! I'm closing this fuckin' case like a book!" Lola yelled at whoever she was on the phone with while she threw her briefcase and keys everywhere else. Konan giggled.

"She dollahs." She said to Pein happily.

"Oh god…..oh god I'm warning you all now she's gonna throw the blackberry, that Blackberry is history. Get ready to duck!" Sasori issued the warning.

"Oooooh shit it's a foul mouthed Friday….I seriously love when Lola comes in angry on Fridays." Hidan said.

"Steven, I'm tellin' your sorry ass right now you get those fuckin' piece of shit files on my fuckin' desk or it's your ass! I will fuckin' fire your ass if they aren't there! You got it? Are we clear? Good, now go get to work now!" Lola hung up the phone and was so mad she could hardly stand it. As predicted, there went the Blackberry face planting into the staircase. "God, he pisses me off so much!" Lola said pounding her fist into the door.

"I bet if you had sex with her right now it would be the most amazing ever, seriously." Hidan told Sasori. Sasori shook his head.

"Nah, I'd get hurt. You really think I could handle that? Shit, Hidan she's about to put her fist through the door and now I have another Blackberry to replace. Those people at the phone place are going to think I'm trying to commit insurance fraud." Sasori said.

"God! I need a new assistant!" Lola yelled. She sighed now finished with her tantrum. "Hi…I'm sorry you all had to see that it's just that I work with a DUMB ASS. And what the hell? There's a fuckin' sailboat in the driveway? I had to park the Acura all the way up by the garage." Lola said sitting down to the whiskey circle. "Why the hell are you all drinking? I know why I am." Lola said as Sasori shoved a very full glass of whiskey toward her. It wouldn't take Lola long to gulp that down. Sasori's phone rang.

"Here, it's that girl." He told Hidan.

"Seriously, oh my god thanks!" Hidan said taking Sasori's phone and running off with it. This was not the time for Deidara to barge through the door…but he did.

"Oh my god! Everyone come look at our interior decorating skills, yeah! I can't wait to take the boat out, yeah!" Deidara was jumping up and down with glee. All of Deidara's excitement sent Tobi running down the stairs yelling too.

"I wanna see! Tobi wants to see! I want to see the fun!" Tobi said jumping up and down with Deidara and flailing his arms everywhere. Zetsu rolled his eyes in the background.

"Come on Tobi, yeah!" Deidara said grabbing his arm and dragging him outside.

"Ah, I do love counting my money!" Kakuzu said coming down from upstairs. Nobody said anything.

"What's wrong…someone has spent money haven't they?" Kakuzu was getting nervous. "Answer me Kisame!"

"Yes Kakuzu, money has been spent too much of it in fact. Just look outside." Kisame said. Kakuzu slowly walked toward the door. He opened it…his screams would not be tolerated.

"OH MY GOD! BOATS ARE EXPENSIVE! BOAT ACCESSORIES ARE EXPENSIVE! BOAT GASOLINE IS EXPENSIVE! BOAT DOCKS ARE EXPENSIVE…THEY ALWAYS SELL THOSE TEMPTING SNACKS FOR EXCESSIVELY MARKED UP PRICES! BOAT ATTIRE IS EXPENSIVE!" Kakuzu continued rambling.

"Well, my vote is we just keep drinking until we're so shitfaced that we don't remember there's a boat out there." Kisame said.

"Yeah, okay…but while we do that we should at least plan a trip to take it out. I mean, god me and Sasori do know how to sail." Lola said.

"Alright…yeah…let's do that. I trust you two at the helm. But, I don't trust Itachi…or Deidara….or Marisol…or Dana." Pein said. Konan filled up her glass with more whiskey.

"To a boat ride!" she said.

"To a boat ride!" everyone else chimed in after her.


	3. Dana and Marisol's M&M Cookies

"Yeah…no you'll never believe this. I know you haven't met them yet or anything but Itachi and Deidara seriously ran out and bought a boat without asking anyone." Hidan was on the phone with Yunko. "I know! Well anyway, we're going to take it out tomorrow and I was wondering if you'd like to come with us? Oh are you kidding? Of course this won't be safe! Seriously, Lola and Sasori know how to sail it so that part will be safe but the fact that Itachi and Deidara are going to be on a boat…well that part is completely not safe." Hidan explained. "Okay! Okay great. Let me give you directions to the house…"

"What do we need for tomorrow? Obviously we need NOTHING to decorate the boat with thanks to the $700 dollar receipt from Crate and Barrel that I found in Dana's purse." Kisame said.

"First we're going to need beer. Lots of it. I don't ever sail without drinking." Lola explained.

"Lola….is that smart?" Pein asked. All eyes were on him right now. Lola was a lawyer and he was asking if this was smart!?

"Honey, I've sailed since I was 17 years old, it's perfectly smart." Lola said beginning to make a list.

"Steaks…I want to grill steaks on the boat." Sasori said. "Don't worry I'll think of some crap to make with the steaks." Kakuzu was starting to sweat a little.

"This is sounding expensive…I don't like where this is going at all." He said concerned.

"It's okay Kakuzu, we have a discount card." Kisame reassured him.

"Well, that does make it a little better." Kakuzu said.

"We really don't have to go to the store for this but I think we should take some blankets. It will probably cool down quite a bit after dark." Konan said.

"Good thinking!" Lola said writing that on her list.

"You know what; put that stupid octopus float that Tobi loves on the list. I'll tie him to a rope and let him drift around in the water. It'll be like a dog on a leash…except more like a…fish on a leash…" Zetsu said.

"We need to see if that sailboat has an anchor so we can tie up somewhere, if it doesn't there's one in the garage and I have no idea why." Sasori said.

"Of course every great sailboat must fly a flag off the back so I'll get my Patriots flag. Ooooh Itachi will kick my ass." Lola said laughing manically. Speaking of Itachi…

"Dana and Marisol are going to make cookies for the boat trip tomorrow!" Itachi said excitedly.

"I requested chocolate chip so they are going to make those kind with the different colored M&M's because they thought the colors would be fun, yeah." Deidara said clambering through the door behind Itachi.

"So apparently, Lola, I need to bake some cookies because god only knows those things won't be worth eating." Konan said.

"Fabulous, oh god make those bars you make. Hell, I don't know what's in them but they are good." Pein said. Just then Hidan came back in to the room with a look of fear on his face.

"Sasori.,..you're phone just rang….it's the leader…he needs to talk to you…seriously…." Hidan said nervously handing the phone over.

"Hey…leader…what's um…what's going on?"

"THE LEADER! THE LEADER! WE BOUGHT A SAILBOAT! AGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! YEAH!" Deidara screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Yes that was Dediara, yes he and Itachi went out and bought a 23 foot sailboat without asking anyone. No, no I've never seen Dana naked….no, no I really, really don't want to. No I'm afraid I can't do that…that would be a serious invasion of her privacy if I tried to take any pictures…what!? You're….excited about the boat? You'd like to come see it sometime? Use it for your company picnic? O…..k…..what…company do you work for? Well yeah, we're going to have to dock this bitch somewhere so a check for the yearly slip fee would be nice….um, okay….Dediara the leader wants to talk to you…" Sasori said handing his phone over to Deidara with the most puzzled look ever on his face. "He's excited about that fucking sailboat!" Sasori said pisesd off at the leader.

"HI LEADER, YEAH! I KNOW CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! OH WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT ME AND ITACHI AND DANA AND MARISOL DID TO THE INTERIOR,YEAH!" Deidara continued yelling with excitement into the phone.

"Itachi! Me and Marisol did the best thing ever, yeah." Dana eyes were sparkling with excitement. "WE MADEA A KITTY DOOR FOR PRINCESS, YEAH!" Dana screamed! Now there were two screaming blonds in the house.

"No…way….that is GREAT!" Itachi said.

"Come on Marisol! Let's go make a mix CD before we bake our cookies, yeah!" Dana said grabbing Marisol by the hand and taking off with her.

"I WANT TO MAKE IT TOO, YEAH!" Deidara yelled quickly shoving Sasori phone back to him before running after them.

"WAIT FOR ME!" Itachi said following Deidara up the stairs.

"Oh god….come on Sasori we need to go look at the boat and see if we need to get any ropes or anything." Lola said getting up from the table.

"You can't take a fucking cat on a boat! It will claw the hell out of them!" Konan said.

"I can't believe the leader is excited about this! I just knew he was going to pitch a fit! My god, I no longer know him!" Sasori said standing up with her.

"Wait, wait…before you two go out there…Yunko's coming tomorrow, seriously." Hidan said happily.

"See, I knew your dinner date would go well. Now here you are bringing her on a potentially out of control sailboat ride." Sasori told him.

" Seriously, I figured at least we would keep her safe since we already know Itachi and Deidara will do everything in their power to be as unsafe as possible without meaning to do so." Hidan said.

"Yeah, drunk Konan is soooo good at keeping people safe." Konan said sarcastically knowing good and well she would be drinking on the boat the next day. "Come on Pein, let's go get tequila for tomorrow."

"That sounds like a good idea, I don't want to be here when Dana and Marisol start those cookies." Pein said.

"I need to go get Tobi out of the pool. He'd be in there all day if I'd let him." Zetsu said.

"How long has he been in the pool?" Kisame asked.

"Considering I forgot about him…about four and a half hours." Zetsu said. Kisame walked over to the window to look out at the pool.

"Um…Zetsu….he's stuck in the pool filter again." Kisame said.

"Damn it! That's the 7th time he's done that! I always tell him not to put stuff in the pool filter because he ALWAYS gets stuck in it!" Zetsu sighed. "I'll go get him out."

"I'll help you. He's thrashing around everywhere." Kisame said opening the door. Upstairs, Deidara and Itachi were now working on the mix CD while Dana and Marisol came back downstairs to prepare their cookies. At least they weren't going to cook in bikinis today like they did last time.

"Alright Dana, we need to find the….OH MY GOD LOOK HERE THEY ARE!" Marisol said holding up a bag of M&M's.

"Ooooh the colors, yeah!" Dana said.

"This is going to be like….so fun!" Marisol said. "Oh! The recipe is on the back of the bag!" Marisol noticed.

"Okay we need….one cup of shortening…whatever that is, yeah. One cup of brown sugar, one cup of sugar, two eggs, two teaspoons of vanilla, whoa….two and one-fourth cup flour, one-fourth cup chocolate chips….and the best part….THIS BAG OF M&M'S YEAH!" Dana said reading the ingredients.

"I'll be honest Dana, I lost you after the brown sugar. There's nothing in this cabinet that says 'shortening'." Marisol said.

"Hmmm…we'll ask Kisame when he comes inside, yeah. Let's get the other stuff ready!" Dana suggested.

"Okay! I get to pack the brown sugar because that's fun!" Marisol said.

"I'll get the regular sugar because…its regular sugar, yeah!" Dana said reaching for the sugar.


	4. Off to the Dock

Dana and Marisol were screaming and jumping up and down in the kitchen the very moment Yunko walked through the door. She looked a bit shocked.

"Our cookies look great Marisol, yeah!" Dana shrieked looking at the wretched blobs of rainbow colors. They looked worse now that they had sat overnight. It looked as if Dana and Marisol either left an ingredient out or didn't cook them long enough…or maybe both.

"Um…hi. I…don't think I've met you before. Is it okay to come in?" Yunko asked reluctantly. Of course Dana and Marisol looked at each other and then at Yunko then at each other again.

"Is she like going on the boat or something, yeah?" Dana asked.

"I don't know, let's find out who she is." Marisol said.

"Hi! I'm Dana, yeah. I'm Deidara's sister and Itachi's girlfriend and fiancé." Dana said happily.

"I'm Marisol! I Dana's best friend ever and Deidara es mi amor! Oh…sorry I did some Spanish there…I thought it would be fun."

"Well, I'm Yunko. I went on a dinner date with Hidan. We met at that charity thing. I guess I'm going with you on this boat trip today." Yunko explained. Dana and Marisol giggled.

"Oh this is going to be soooo fun today, yeah! We'll be back. Me and Marisol have to change. You did bring a bikini, right?" Dana asked.

"Um…no not really. I think I'd be more comfortable in this." Yunko said pointing to her black tank top and capris.

"Oooooh I bet she's like Lola." Marisol whispered to Dana.

"You mean wearing t-shirts all the time and stuff, yeah?" Dana asked.

"Yeah." Marisol answered as they made their way up the stairs. Fortunately for Yunko Hidan appeared at the top of the staircase after Dana and Marisol had departed.

"Yunko! Seriosuly, when did you get here?" He asked coming down the stairs.

"Just a little bit ago. Wow, you're house is…really something." Yunko said.

"Yeah well, Itachi and Deidara picked this out too. Of course what they don't know is that it's in Sasori and Lola's name….whew! Seriosuly, if Itachi found that out….can we say hell to pay!? Hey, do you want something to drink?" Hidan asked her.

"I'm okay, but thanks." Yunko said.

"Sasori, it's okay! This happens to every guy. You were tired! We worked on the ropes on that boat all afternoon yesterday!" What the hell was Lola referring to?

"Lola, this has never EVER happened to me before! Lola what if I need medication!? I'm 42 for god's sake! Forty-two Lola! Men my age are just beginning to brag about their experience and skill! Oh my god…I'm gonna freak out, I'm gonna freak out! Shit! I'm freaking out!" Sasori was panicking as he followed Lola down the stairs.

"Sasori! I swear! I'll get you drunk on the boat and fuck the hell out of you just to prove that it was just a one time thing! There comes a day in every man's life when he just can't get it up! And yours was last night….oh shit….there are people in our living room….hi…..I'm Lola. This is Sasori….and we're having a complicated morning….but he'll get through it….who are you?"

"I'm Yunko. You must be the lawyer. Hidan said one of your mottos is 'don't fuck with Connecticut'. Lola smiled at what Yunko had said.

"He's teaching you well. Come on Sasori, we need to load the beerand food for today." Lola told him.

"Yeah, don't worry here comes your loser of a lover." Sasori said hating himself a lot.

"So are you looking forward to this today, seriously? I am! I think it will be fun…even though Itachi will be with us." Hidan said to Yunko.

"I am looking forward to this today. I've never been on a sailboat." Yunko said.

"Me neither. But seriously, with Lola in control nothing can possible go wrong." Hidan reassured her.

"Deidara! This is the last time I'm going to tell you! Put down the cat and get in here and apply this straightener to my hair so I can finish it!" Itachi yelled at him.

"But why can't you do it, yeah? Princess is purring! Yes she is, yes she is!" Deidara said squealing at the cat.

"DEIDARA!" Itachi screamed at him.

"Fine! Here I come, yeah!" Deidara said less than thrilled that he had to help Itachi. A very excited Tobi ran down the stairs.

"Boat trip! Boat trip! Boat trip! Yay boat trip!" Bless his little heart he was so happy.

"Oh that's Tobi. Seriously, he's easily excitable." Hidan told Yunko. "You kind of can't help but like him though."

"Hi, you must be Yunko. I'm Zetsu and yes, I look like a plant. I chase Tobi around all the time because Deidara doesn't look after him at all. I would stay and talk to you longer but now he's run outside probably to try and gather as many pool toys as possible to take on the boat. I need to stop him before it gets out of control." Zetsu said taking a load of things to the boat.

"Hidan? Do you think I'll need any money for the boat?" Kakuzu asked.

"No dumb ass! Get down here! We're almost ready to leave!" Hidan yelled at him.

"So where is the boat?" Yunko asked. It was a very good question. Besides, the boat was no longer in the driveway.

"Yesterday, after Sasori and Lola finished working on it to get it ready or today. Some guy hauled it to the river. We are meeting Sasori, Lola, Pein and Konan down there. You'll like Pein and Konan they are great. Dana and Marisol came down the steps again with their arms full of so much crap it looked like they were leaving for a month.

"Um…do they always wear shorts that short?" Yunko asked stating the obvious.

"Seriously, it happens often." Hidan said.

"Okay! We are so ready, yeah!" Dana said dumping all her crap in the floor.

"Why did you…pack curlers and three changes of clothes?" Hidan asked.

"You never know Hidan, I may need these things, yeah!" Dana said.

"Hey, Yunko. You haven't met Kisame yet. I wonder where he is?" As if it were perfect timing, Kisame showed up at the top of the stares.

"Sorry I'm running late, I think I accidentally pissed the cat off. She clawed the hell out of me when I wouldn't give her a fish snack. Hi Yunko, please excuse the claw marks all over me.:

"Kisame! I told you to be nice to Princess, yeah!" Deidara said running down the stairs with still yet another load of crap for the boat. "Oh….who are you? You're not dressed for a boat, yeah. Are you in the right house?" Deidara questioned Yunko.

"I'm Yunko, Hidan invited me to go today. Judging by eye for fashion and the long hair you must be Deidara." Yunko said.

"Oh my god, Itachi this girl knows my name? Do you think she's a telemarketer, yeah?" Deidara asked Itachi.

"It's okay Deidara. I think it's Hidan's new thing. Hi, I'm Itachi. Let's establish one thing right now…I call the shots around here and I can't help it if you're more attracted to me than Hidan. I know, I know…I'm hot. But Dana, is my girl. Okay, it's nice to meet you.

"Itachi, could your shirt get any tighter?" Kisame asked….bad move Kisame.

"Go to hell Kisame! I look so good in this! I can't help it that you can't wear nice clothes. Besides, when we get on the boat it's coming off but until then I have to make a statement! Ah yes, another Armani fashion statement from Itachi.

"Come on, let's go load the van. The next stop is the dock. Meanwhile at the dock…

"Oh my god! Itachis is going to kill you when he sees that flag Lola." Konan said stepping on to the boat.

"Yeah, yeah it's a risk I'm willing to take." Lola said admiring the New England Patriots flag proudly flying off the back of the sailboat. "Besides, Konan I'm captain now. Sasori, come and help me with the sails."

"Sure, I'll be right there I'm getting Pein a beer." Sasori yelled from the cabin.

"Wouldn't it be funny if we just left without everyone." Konan asked.

"Don't tempt me. You know I would do that." Lola told her.

"Yeah, I know. Hey, you wanna do tequila shots with me?" Konan asked.

"Hell yeah I do!" Lola answered her. Konan disappeared to search for the tequila.

"Hey! Is that your boat?" A follower boater called from another boat.

"Nah, two idiots I live with bought this thing but they have no damn clue how to sail." Lola answered him.

"Oh okay, well have a nice day! It's a great day to be on the water!" And the fellow boater left.

"SHUT UP KAKUZU! SHUT THE HELL UP! SHUT UP! IF YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT PRICES AT THE BOAT DOCK I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR FUCKIN ASS INTO NEXT TUESDAY! SERIOUSLY! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Hidan yelled at him.

"Go to hell Hidan! You don't understand how overpriced maps and beverages are in those boat dock stores!" Kakuzu said.

"WE….DON'T….NEED….ANY…FUCKING MAPS DUMBASS! WE DON'T NEED ANY BEVERAGES! SO JUST SHUT THE HELL UP OR I WILL PULL THIS VAN OVER AND KICK YOUR ASS OUT!"

"Hidan, shut the hell up and drive! You're going to make Yunko not want to go with us!" Kisame said.

"No, it's okay. I fight like this with my friend Suki all the time. She's a tight ass bitch!"

"SEE! SEE KISAME! JUST LIKE KAKUZU IS A TIGHT ASS DUMB FUCK! BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!" Hidan yelled nearly running a stop sign. Would they ever make it the to dock?


	5. Set Sail

"Oh wow look there's our boat, yeah!" Dana said happily.

"Hidan, you just parked in a handicapped parking spot." Kakuzu said.

"Shut up stupid! It's not a handicapped spot! The handicapped spot is beside this on. See? The line on the left is white and it's blue on the right….SERIOUSLY THAT MEANS WE CAN PACK HERE!" Hidan had lost all patience with Kakuzu.

"Come on Marisol let's get out and get our stuff, yeah!" Dana said clambering out of the van.

"Come on Deidara!" Marisol said grabbing him by the hand. Natually, this was the time Dana and Marisol would strip what little they had on for their bikini clad selves. They were on a boat after all, right? And let's face it when it came to modesty…well they had none.

"Yunko is this your bag?" Hidan asked opening up the back of the van.

"Oh yeah, it is. Here, I'll take it." Yunko said reaching for her bag,

"No, Seriously I've got it I just wanted to make sure it was yours and not Itachi's bag of crap that I'm not allowed to touch because it's too expensive for me.

"Marisol, I have a surprise for you, yeah. Now, close your eyes…" Deidara told her putting something on her face. "Okay…now like….open your eyes and stuff, yeah!" Deidara squealed in excitement. Marisol gasped.

"Oh my god everything got dark! Am I like wearing sunglasses?" Marisol asked.

"YES! LOOK AT THEM, YEAH!" Deidara said nearly bursting with glee. Marisol took them off and screamed.

"Oh my god! They are those purple Dior sunglasses I so wanted! Ooooh I love you Deidara!" Marisol could not have been happier.

"And look! Look! They have a dust bag, yeah!" Deidara showed her.

"Wow, I love the dust bag! Marisol said.

"Don't touch my stuff! That bag was a limited edition…LIMITED!" Itachi hissed at Kisame.

"And so you're bringing it on a boat why?" Kisame asked.

"Because it's an excellent accessory…something of which you would know nothing!" Itachi said peering at Kisame over his sunglasses before shoving them up and slinging his incredibly trendy bag over his shoulder. "Dana can I just say…you…are….so….HOT! Come on, let's go make boat friends." Itachi said wrapping a free arm around Dana.

"Tobi! Tobi! NO! NO TOBI GET BACK HERE!" Zetsu already when chasing after Tobi because Tobi caught sight of a place selling ice cream. Kakuzu insisted on taking every single free informational pamphlet that was available on the information board before they made their way down the dock.

"I so can't wait to play that great mix CD we made! I think we will be….." Itachi stopped talking when he saw the dreaded New England flag on the back of HIS sailboat. "Nooooooooooo! Get it off Lola! Get it off! I hate football! Lola! Lola get out here and face me! Get that damn…." Itachi stopped talking again. There was Lola giving him the stare of imminent death over the side of the boat.

"Itachi….do you fuckin' know how to sail a sailboat?" Lola began.

"Oh that is so beside the point miss….." Lola cut him off.

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!" she demanded.

"No." Itachi answered quickly.

"Uh huh, uh huh, right…I like where this is going…do you know ANYTHING about a sailboat?" Lola continued.

"No." Itachi was backing off.

"Who's the captain of this ship now?" Lola asked.

"You are…" Itachi answered.

"Uh huh, right. Are we clear?" Lola asked.

"Crystal." Itachi answered her.

"Good, then come on get on here. Hi Dana, sorry you had to see that." Lola said smiling.

"Yunko, that's Konan and Pein." Hidan said helping her onto the boat.

"Hi, I'm Yunko. It's nice to meet you. Hidan said you're safe to hang out with." Yunko said to Konan.

"I don't know about safe, but we're sane at least." Pein said. Marisol was now trying to cram her giant Luis Vuitton bag through the railing.

"Here, let me help you. Why did you bring such a big bag?" Saosri asked Marisol.

"You never know what you'll need Sasori! Marisol said. Sasori picked up her heavy bag and pulled it over the railing so she could do with it what she wanted. Deidara followed close behind her with his equally large bag of crap. Next was Kisame and Kakuzu and lastly here came Tobi prancing down the dock with a popsicle followed by Zetsu. Finally, everyone was on the boat…it was time to sail.

"Alright, Sasori, let's untie. We'll use the motor to get out in the open then we'll pull the sails out.

"Sounds like a good plan. I'll go get the other side and you get this one then I'll throw the motor in reverse." Sasori told her.

"Good, okay everybody…Tobi you especially. Don't stand up until we get out of reverse and start heading out into the open water. We're going to run on the motor for a bit then once we're in open water me and Sasori will put the sails out. Konan giggled.

"Lola said water." She said dreamily looking at Pein.

"You're going to divorce me someday aren't you." Pein asked her putting an arm over her shoulders.

"Nah, I can't possibly ever love her as much as Sasori does." Konan said laughing. Pretty soon they were backed out of the dock slip and heading toward open water.

"When do I get to be in my inner tube Zetsu?" Tobi asked excitedly.

"Not until Lola tells us Tobi. But trust me, I'm going to let you swim." Zetsu told him.

"Thanks Zetsu! I'll be good, I promise!" Tobi reassured him.

"If I had a dollar for every time Tobi said he was going to be good…" Zetsu whispered to Kisame.

"I know man, I know. But just think, you're doing the right thing by looking after him. You're a good role model for Tobi." Kisame said.

"Hey, I'm going to fire up the grill after we get into open water. I hope you all are in the mood for steak." Sasori said.

"Sasori is amazing at the grill, seriously." Hidan explained to Yunko.

" I do enjoy a good steak on the grill. I'm anxious to try it." Yunko told him.

"And it's hysterical when Lola and Konan start doing tequila shots…oh god there was this one time….well, you'll see the crazy crap they get." Hidan warned her.

"I so love the boat already and we aren't even doing boat stuff yet, yeah!" Dana squealed.

"I do too Dana, yeah!" Deidara agreed with her hugging his big sister.

"I look so amazing! I'm so glad I decided on these shorts. And look other hot boaters are waving at us!" Itachi said waving to the other supposedly 'hot' boaters. It was very soon when the sailboat had hit open water and now it was time to put the sails out.

"Sasori, are you ready?" Lola asked.

"I'm ready. I'll tighten the boom, you let it go." Sasori said taking ropes in his hand.

"Ready? One….two…..three….PULL! PULL! PULL!" Lola said releasing some rope and letting the sailboat catch the wind. Sasori did exactly as he was instructed and cinched the ropes. Tobi clapped like crazy while Marisol and Dana squealed with delight at the sight of the navy blue sails coming open.

"Yeah! Cinch that bitch!" Lola yelled at both Sasori and the ropes. "Hold on everyone, we're gonna make a hard turn. We're gonna put this mother fucker on her side." Lola said grabbing a rope and shoving the sailboat into a hard turn.

"Does Lola always talk dirty to the boat?" Kisame asked Sasori.

"Man, you haven't heard the half of it wait until she's drunk and doing this." Sasori told him.

"Oh my god she wasn't kidding!" Itachi shrieked as he was leaning over the railing and now Deidara was piled on top of him. Fortunately for Hidan, Yunko had now ended up in his lap. The boat then leveled out once more.

"Yeah! That's right! Take that ya' little bitch!" Lola yelled at the boat.

"Let's drop anchor so we don't drift into stuff. Other boats are anchoring here and we'll be able to move around." Sasori said.

"Oh my god! Itachi let's so get our mix CD, yeah!" Deidara insisted.

"Get the hell out of my lap and we'll get our mix tape!" Itachi hissed at him.

"Dana those guys are waving at us! Let's wave back. Hiiiiiiiiiiii!" Marisol yelled across the water.

"Honey, you know they are waving at you because they probably want to bone your tight ass, right?" Konan asked candidly and honestly. Marisol looked mortified.

"But…..why?"

"Well, let's face it. You and Dana are hardly wearing anything and they like what they see." Konan said.

"What should we do Marisol, yeah?" Dana asked. Marisol thought a moment.

"I know! Yell over there and tell them we aren't hot!" Wow, Marisol you're such a genius.

"Oh that's good. HEY! HEEEEEEEEEY! YEAH, HI! WE'RE NOT HOT! YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAVE, YEAH! THANKS BYE!" Dana yelled.

"You did good." Marisol told her. Konan just rolled her eyes.

"Pein, I need to start drinking NOW. I'm actually losing intelligence trying to take care of them." Konan said to him softly.


	6. Kakuzu: Underwater Adventurer

"Tobi, when I count to three you jump over the side. I'm going to hold on to this rope so you don't go floating away. Ready? One….two…"

"Wait, wait Zetsu! Should I jump over this side, or this side over here?" Tobi asked all wrapped up in his seahorse adventure inner tube.

"It doesn't matter Tobi, either side is fine. Okay, one….two…."

"What if I jump off the back of the boat!? Wouldn't that be neat if I did that Zetsu?" Tobi asked thinking he had just come up with a great idea.

"Yeah, sure whatever Tobi. Are you ready? One….two…"  
"Wait! Can I use my diving clams?" Tobi wondered. Zetsu sighed,

"Well, Tobi the lake is 35 feet deep what do you think?"

"Oh….I guess that's no then?" Tobi asked.

"Get in the water Tobi before I push you in!" Zetsu said losing patience with him. Tobi finally jumped in and Zetsu tied the rope onto the railing of the boat. Kakuzu looked around a bit suspiciously. Once he felt like it was safe he made a move for his insanely heavy bag. He opened it up and pulled out a huge box looking thing. He sat whatever this thing was near the railing and pulled two long antennas up from the top of it. He started turning dials all over the place but before he could put his headphones on all hell broke loose.

"Oh my god! I seriously cannot believe you drug your stupid sonar equipment on this trip!" Hidan yelled at him.

"Hey! You never know! I may find a shipwreck full of gold and silver!!" Kakuzu said pulling the antennas even higher.

"For god's sake Kakuzu! We're in a fucking LAKE! It's 35 feet deep! Seriously, turn that squealing thing off!" Hidan demanded of him. The sonar equipment was beeping and squealing and crackling as Kakuzu turned more dials.

"No! I'm in this for treasure!" Kakuzu said.

"The only treasure you're going to find is my foot in your ass! Put that stupid stuff away! You look ridiculous!" Hidan continued yelling at him. But now, Kakuzu had put his headphones on and was scanning the bottom of the lake for…well…treasure. Yunko laughed at this entire situation that was unfolding.

"Oh my god! Hidan! He's just like my stupid friend Suki! Suki has an x-ray machine! AN X-RAY MACHINE! She swears it helps her find hidden valuables…I always tell her she's an idiot.

"So, Yunko do you have any fears of water or…lake creatures?" Kisame asked peering into the water.

"No not at all…..why?" Yunko asked a little puzzled.

"Good…then what's that thing in the water?" Kisame asked pointing to something. Yunko looked where he was pointing.

"Oh don't worry Kisame….it looks like it's just a fungus wrapped in some algae." Yunko said reassuring Kisame as she properly identified the mysterious bobbing blob. While everything in the back of the boat seemed to be relatively calm things in the front of the boat weren't so.

"Deidara, get out of the way…" Sasori said as calmly as possible trying to get Dediara away from the grill.

"Well, Sasori I just can't move when you want me to, yeah. See me and Itachi and Dana and Marisol are about to totally dance right here." Deidara explained.

"I know….why don't you go drink instead and NOT dance right beside my grill!" Sasori said.

"Mmm…I don't know if that will work, yeah. See you're grill is right in the way of…"

"GET OUT OF THE WAY DUMBASS! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO COOK THESE MEDIUM RARE!" Sasori yelled at him.

"You are so bossy, yeah!" Deidara said leaving to go down into the cabin and to see why the hell Itachi didn't have their mix CD playing yet.

"What? What the hell? No! No I will no do that case pro bono I told you there is too much work that's going to go into that case to do it pro bono!" Lola was fighting with someone on her phone.

"Dana, why is Lola talking dirty to some stranger on the phone?!" Marisol asked.

"I don't know Marisol, yeah! Maybe we should go tell Sasori that it looks like things are falling apart. I mean I can't believe she's using those words, yeah!" Dana said.

"No! Pro bono my ass! Hey, hey….you listen to me! You tell Steven I will wipe his sorry ass off the floor! You hear me? Off…the….fuckin'…floor! I will NOT do that case pro bono!" It was a good thing Lola could argue with a phone in one hand and drink with the other.

"Sasori! We so need to tell you something, yeah! We think Lola is seeing some other guy! She keeps saying things like bono, yeah!" Dana said.

"Oh god…where is Pein to hand me a shot of whiskey when I need it?" Sasori mumbled to himself. "Dana, honey…the term is pro bono…it means handling someone's court case for free." Sasori explained.

"Oooooooooh!" Marisol and Dana said in unison. Just then Itachi and Deidara got their mix CD on…let's talk about how not pleased everyone else was about their dance hits blasting from the cabin.

"Listen, I gotta go okay? I can hardly hear you because of these fuckin' dance hits and your pissin' me off so much I just may fire your ass on Monday. I'm not doing it pro bono that's final! Goodbye!" Lola angrily hung up her phone.

"DON'T YOU THROW THAT BLACKBERRY!" Sasori yelled at her from the front of the boat. "LOLA IT GOES IN THE WATER THEY WON'T REPLACE IT!"

"Here, drink this instead." Hidan said handing Lola one of her beers.

"I swear, some of the people I work with are fuckin' idiots!" Lola said drinking half of it in one gulp.

"Ha! I've located something on the bottom of the lake! Now for my scuba gear!" Kakuzu said.

"Oh for the love of god Kakuzu! Give it up! Seriously, you did NOT bring your lame ass scuba gear?" Hidan ranted. Yunko laughed at the fact that Kakuzu pissed him off so much. "Holy Jasshin! Kakuzu no one thinks you're cool!" Hidan hissed at him as Kakuzu fought with his wetsuit.

"I think you're cool Kakuzu!" Tobi yelled as he splish splashed in the water.

"Tobi would…." Hidan said through gritted teeth. Yunko put her arms around Hidan.

"You're so sweet. Seriously, thanks for hugging me and keeping me from killing Kakuzu." Hidan said happily.

"You're welcome. You can't kill him right now, there are too many witnesses. And besides, look how much fun he's having trying to pour himself into that wetsuit!" Yunko said.

"Hell, Kakuzu! If you're going to put on a wetsuit don't you think you should at least take your robe off first? Why would you even wear that thing on a boat? We haven't worn those robes since…well I can't exactly remember when." Kisame said.

"Oh….that does seem like a better idea doesn't it?" Kakuzu said now second guessing why the hell he wore the robe in the first place.

"Tobi! Don't touch that buoy do you hear me!" Zetsu called to Tobi.

"Look Zetsu, it says 'dangerous rocks'!" Tobi said swimming straight toward it.

"Tobi! If you bust your inner tube on the rocks it will not be my fault!" Zetsu warned him.

"Lalalala! Rocks ahead! Zetsu! I'll get you a rock!" Aww, Tobi was so happy as he disobeyed Zetsu and swam toward the dangerous rocks. But just as Tobi was ready to retrieve a rock for Zetsu…Tobi got stuck in the rocks…"Zetsu! Zetsu! My inner tube ripped! It ripped! What should I do!? Help me Zetsu! My inner tube is ruined!" Tobi yelled splashing around everywhere.

"Tobi! Stop splashing! I'm going to pull you in just hold on to the rope!" Zetsu scolded him.

"Aaaaaggghhhh! Zetsu, my inner tube!" Tobi whined.

"You deserve this Tobi! I told you not to swim out there!" Zetsu said pulling a thrashing Tobi toward the boat.

"Sersiouly, we can fix that inner tube with some duck tape." Hidan said.

"Finally! I'm going in for the treasure!" Kakuzu proclaimed now that he was completely suited up in his ridiculous scuba gear, oxygen tanks strapped to his back and all. Hidan growled.

"I hope to Jaashin that when he dives to the bottom of the lake a giant squid eats him alive and spits out his stupid scuba gear as a souvenir!"

"Um Hidan….we're in a fresh water lake…but maybe a box turtle will snap him to death." Kisame said.

"This is my punishment! Seriously, this is what I get for befriending Kakuzu seven years ago! God, I'm such a dumbass!" Hidan said still having an arm around Yunko as he watched Kakuzu disappear into the lake.


	7. These Steaks Are Cooked

"Go away! Oh my god! Please get the hell away from my STEAKS!"

"You never dance with me, yeah!" Deidara whined.

"God, you're already starting to drink too much. I have never danced with you! I won't dance with you! That's what Itachi si for! GET AWAY FROM MY GRILL! I swear to god Deidara, I will push your ass over the rail and you can kiss that blond hair goodbye because it will be covered in algae! Hey, Pein come and get your steak man. It's done and I'm going to have to kick Deidara's ass." Sasori said.

"Those look so good Sasori, you've done it again." Pein said looking at Sasori's succulent cooking.

"This one is Konan's. It's cooked the way she likes it." Sasori pointed to her steak. Just then a soaking wet and flora covered Kakuzu emerged from the water.

"Hahaha! I have found treasure!" Kakuzu said holding something in the air.

"You're such a dumb ass Kakuzu! That's a car carberator…the real mystery is how the hell it got to the bottom of a lake." Hidan said.

"What did you say? I can't hear you over Lady Gaga!" Kakuzu yelled….well he was right…Itachi had his music turned up entirely too loud.

"I said….oh NEVER MIND! GO TO HELL! SERIOUSLY!" Hidan was clearly done with Kakuzu.

"And now, I shall see what my treasure is!" Kakuzu pulled his goggles off. "It's a carberator." He said quite disappointed.

"ITACHI! ITACHI TURN YOUR STUPID ASS MUSIC DOWN!" Kisame yelled at him. Of course, here came the messenger.

"What did you say Kisame, yeah? We can't here you for our amazing dance CD!" Deidara was so happy.

"Yeah…about your CD….TURN IT DOWN STUPID! WE CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING BACK HERE!" Kisame told him.

"You're boring…you'd feel better if you came and danced with us, yeah. But okay." Deidara said as he reluctantly gave into Kisame's request.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! HHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY YOU! YEAH! YOU! THE STEELERS FUCKIN' SUCK! THAT'S RIGHT! I SAID THEY SUCK! NOW WHAT!? NOW WHAT!?" Yes, Lola was taunting another sailboat that was obviously a Steelers fan.

"Lola, is this really a time to get in verbal assault combat with another sailboat?" Konan calmly asked her.

"Oh hell yeah it is." Lola answered. "OH WHAT? YOU WANNA SAIL OVER HERE AND SAY THAT!? YEAH, YEAH COME ON! SAIL YOUR ASS ON OVER HERE!" Lola kept yelling at the disgruntled Steelers fan.

"Um…does she….normally do that?" Yunko asked Hidan.

"Oh seriously, yeah there's nothing to worry about it. Lola does things like this all the time. She hates the Steelers…a lot." Of course, Lola's fight with the other boater was interrupted by a perfectly cooked medium-rare steak. Lola gasped.

"I love you Maybe she should have another beer with that.

"Boys! Boys! Boys! We like boys in cars! Boys! Boys! Boys! Buy us drinks in bars! Dana! I love this song!" Marisol yelled at her.

"I know me too, yeah! Wouldn't you love to meet Lady Gaga!?" Dana asked.

"You know, it's not really a mix CD when they just take the whole Lady GaGa CD and put it on another CD and it seems like that is what they did." Pein said watching Dana and Marisol nearly flip out as they overindulged in party mode on the front of the boat.

"Deidara! I told you three times to get the alcohol off the bed before we left!" Itachi said to him a bit irritated.

"I did Itachi, I so did my job! Lola put it all in the fridge, yeah." Deidara said.

"Oh…in that case go make me daiquiri…and be quick about it!" Itachi demanded of him shoving Deidara towards the cabin.

"Here sweetie, do you want a steak? It's tender, it's juicy and there's garlic toast with it. Need I say more. Shit…hold on I have to go straighten out the boom. Here hold this." Lola said handing over her steak to Yunko and crawling over Kisame and Zetsu to tug on some ropes.

"Lola, do you want me to hold on to you?" Kisame asked.

"Nah, it's okay honey I'm not that drunk yet. I just have to pull this bitch a little tighter." Lola said grabbing a rope.

"This smells so good. I'm going to have to have one." Yunko said. But before Yunko could tell Lola this, Sasori came up to her with phone in hand.

"I think this phone call may be for you. I don't know who it is and they are pretty upset about an electric bill?" Sasori said questioningly to Yunko. Puzzled, Yunko took the phone from him.

"Hello?" It was Suki screaming her head off on the other end.

"Wha…..huh? How…..why the…..NO! Suki! Shut up! No! SHUT THE HELL UP! Okay, yeah the electric bill went up 3 dollars this month….IT'S THREE FUCKING DOLLARS SUKI! No, no, no, NO! I'm not arguing with you about fucking electricity!"

"Who's arguing about electric!? I want to join! Hidan always drives the electric bill up! Just ask Sasori. I mean with that stupid light up Jaashin sign that he always plugs in!" Kakuzu said.

"YOU ARE SUCH A DUMBASS! I LOVE THAT SIGN!" Hidan yelled at him.

"It's a stupid sign!" Kakuzu said.

"It's no stupider that your idiotic inflatable money machine! Seriously, that thing is loud no one likes it and who wants to just get in there and grab their own money! YOU'RE SO ANNOYING KAKUZU!" Hidan knew he had won this argument.

"YOU…TAKE….THAT BACK! I LOVE THAT MACHINE! IT WAS A GIFT FROM THE BANK! I'M AN EXCELLENT CUSTOMER!" So, here we were…Yunko fighting with Suki on Sasori's phone and Hidan fighting Kakuzu like he always does and now Tobi was so confused he didn't know what to do. He didn't know which argument was winning!

"NO SUKI! JUST….JUST SHUT UP OKAY!? I'LL DEAL WITH YOU LATER!" Yunko angrily hung up Sasori's phone. "I hate her so much!"

"Zetsu, can I have my bag of Cheerios now?" Tobi asked patiently.

"Yeah, you can have them. Hey Sasori! Will you throw me Tobi's bag of Cheerios?" Sasori reluctantly sat his whiskey down to toss Zetsu the Cheerios.

"Thanks man." Zetsu said.

"Hey, I bet you 10 dollars Sasori gets so drunk he nails Lola downstairs in the cabin with wreckless abandon." Kisame said.

"Oh you are so on." Zetsu said shaking Kisame's hand on this bet.

"Hey! Yunko come dance with us pleeeeeease, yeah!?" Dana begged of her.

"Do you realize that your bikini is about to come off?" Yunko asked Dana. Dana didn't really care she was practically spilling alcohol all over Yunko and her breath was already soaked with vodka.

"Yeah, it's okay. Come on! Come dance with us!" Dana demanded.

"I…don't know…I think I would be a bit uncomfortable." Yunko said.

"Oh my god! Dana come here! Deidara's going to do these jello shots off my stomach! Come and watch!" Marisol yelled at her. It was all Dana needed to get completely distracted from Yunko.

"Really, Sasori how the hell do you live with Itachi? All he does is bitch at Deidara to do stuff for him, bitch about how much better he is than everyone else, and then there's Dana…god she must be amazing in bed because….well she's Dana." Pein said. Sasori put his whiskey sour down for a moment.

"Itachi is a very simple man. He cares about two things really; how he looks and how his girl looks…with Dana he never has to worry about the second thing which is why they are made for each other. No brains, lots of beauty, and both experienced lovers." Sasori explained. "Now, you ask how I live with him…it's simple really…our interests vary immensely. Itachi doesn't include me in many of his activities. It makes my life easier."

"I can see where that would work out but it's just the thought of having to deal with him and his drama on a daily basis." Pein said. So here we had it, Hidan and Yunko screaming at their stingy counterparts in the back of the boat, Itachi still waiting on his daiquiris, Marisol and Dana were on the verge of dirty dancing…oh wait never mind it was too late. Konan was greatly enjoying her steak while Pein and Sasori pondered the conundrums of the world. Would this boat ride end in a drunken fiasco of debauchery? We'll find out before the night is over.


	8. Tobi Ran WHERE?

"Oh my god! Konan your dessert bars and cookies are amazing!" Yunko said.

"She does make the best…unlike Dana and Marisol cookies that don't even look like cookies at this point…you know in fact…they have melted all over the plate so let's throw them overboard and tell them we ate them all." Pein said.

"That is an excellent idea man! They aren't looking over here and they will never know they'll be so happy when we tell them we ate their cookies." Kisame said.

"Hey, what's going on over there do you think?" Zetsu said pointing to a crowd gathers around the docks and a very brightly colored sign.

"I don't know, you want to go dock and check it out?" Lola asked.

"Yeah, let's check it out. It looks interesting." Hidan said.

"Okay, hey Sasori! We're going to dock and go check things out over there. Let's change the boom." Lola said.

"Alright, what way are we going?" Sasori wondered.

"Pitch it toward Deidara." Lola said.

"Good, maybe we'll knock him off." Sasori said secretly hoping he would. "I'm ready, let it loose this way and I'll secure it." Sasori told her.

"Oooooooh! Look at the colorful lights, Zetsu!" Tobi said standing up in the boat getting excited about the bright lights he saw behind the dock.

"Tobi, I don't want you running off the boat like a maniac once we get docked okay?" Zetsu warned him.

"I won't Zetsu, I promise!" Tobi said.

"Oh my god! That looks hot, yeah! Are we going over there?" Dana asked.

"Yeah, sweetie. Now move your little blond head so I don't knock it off with this beam." Lola said. Dana and Marisol scurried away as Lola let the sail swing from one side of the boat to the other. Sasori caught it as discussed and tied it up on the opposite side.

"Come on Dana we need to pick out our high heels and look for a wrap to wear on the docks!" Marisol said.

"Oh my god, totally good idea, yeah!" Dana said.

"Itachi! We should go change too, yeah! Marisol is right!" Deidara said.

"I call the Dior shirt! It's MY turn to wear it!" Itachi said shoving Deidara out of the way to get down in the cabin first.

"But you always get to wear that, yeah!" Deidara whined.

"Lola, come here." Sasori motioned her toward the front of the boat. He whispered something to her.

"Konan, we've got to find one of those fudge shops on the docks. My goal is to go home tonight with 4 pounds of different fudge flavors." Pein said.

"Sounds good, I think we can manage that." Konan said.

"Okay, Lola let's pull it up to the dock and tie it." Sasori instructed.

"Alright, I have this side." Lola said.

"Oh my god we look sooooo good!" Itachi said flipping black hair over his shoulders.

"Wow, we do look good, yeah!" Dana said.

"Come on Marisol! We are going to go get so drunk that we're going to fall back on this boat, yeah!" Deidara said.

"Alright now listen, we're…" Sasori was interrupted by Tobi running off the boat laughing as he ran straight into the building with the brightly colored lights.

"TOBI! TOBIIIIIIII! GET BACK HERE TOBI!" Zetsu sighed. "Fine, I hope someone abducts Tobi with promises of candy and a Ferris wheel. I'm sick of chasing after him!" Zetsu said.

"Anyway, we're docking for three hours because we want to get back sailing to where we started before midnight tonight. So don't be late." Sasori said.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…time out. Are you not going with us?" Pein asked.

"Hell no, me and Lola are going to polish off the rest of the whiskey." Sasori winked at Pein.

"Okay, well do you want some fudge? Me and Konan are going to find some." Pein asked.

"We would love some. Peanut butter, 2 pounds." Sasori said.

"You got it, man." Pein said.

"Here, seriously, take my hand Yunko. Let's go see what's going on out there." Hidan said.

"Hidan! Don't you spend any money!" Kakuzu warned him stepping onto the dock behind Hidan.

"Shut up! Go to hell!" Was all Hidan had to say back.

"Should Dana and Marisol have maybe worn more clothes? Look at them they have high heels and a bikini!?" Kisame said to Zetsu.

"They know more than we do Kisame, they obviously know what they are doing." Zetsu said. Kisame shrugged his shoulders.

"I guess you're right, it just seems like they should be wearing more." Kisame said.

"I agree with you, but I suppose this is why we don't understand high end fashion." Zetsu said as he and Kisame stepped off the boat.

"So, do you want me to go with you to get Tobi back?" Kisame asked. Zetsu sighed.

"I suppose; although I would like to just leave him floundering around to teach him a lesson." Zetsu said.

"We can let him flounder. Come on, let's go check things out. Dana, Marisol, Itachi and Deidara had already run off somewhere. Back on the boat, Sasori and Lola were securing the last of the ropes.

"Okay, Lola. I'm pouring you a glass of whiskey." Sasori said reaching for a glass.

"Don't you go putting any shit in it. Hard and strong…you know how I like it." Lola warned him.

"Oh don't worry Lola, I know how you drink your whiskey." Sasori reassured her. The evening air was moving in so it was time for Lola to break out the New England Patriots fleece blanket.

"Here you go. To this boat that should have never happened, and the fact you're kind enough to sail the damn thing for the idiots that bought it!" Sasori said holding up his whiskey.

"I can always drink to that." Lola said raising her glass and gulping down half of it.

"Lola, you and I haven't had a moment to ourselves in how long now? Two weeks?" Sasori asked her.

"At least that, those fuckers are always up to something stupid….like buying a boat and then there's my shit for brains secretary who by the way is screwing Kevin my partner!" Lola said excitedly.

"Noooooo!" Sasori said shocked. "Wait, wait, wait…..you mean that girl that works at the front desk that always wears those really short skirts and the porn star-ish high heels?" Sasori asked.

"That's the one! Guess what else I know…she strips at Midnight Daydreams that skanky-ass strip joint in town!" Lola said getting very excited about this.

"Noooooo….way…..wow….she's like…..a total slut! Oh my god, Lola! What are you going to do?" Sasori asked pouring himself another glass of whiskey.

"I'm going to fire her ass next week. I'll have none of this shit going on. If you work with Lola you can't fuckin' fuck the secretary! Here, pour me some more of that. Damn! That's strong!" Lola said.

"I love it when you fire people! But wait what about Kevin?" Sasori asked.

"I don't have any power to fire him. That has to be Greengum's decision." Lola said taking her glass back from Sasori.

"So, will you tape record the conversation you have with the secretary with that pocket tape recorder like you did last time you had to fire someone?" Sasori asked with twinkling eyes.

"You bet your silky red hair I will." Lola winked.

"Speaking of bet, here…we haven't played cards in ages." Sasori said reaching for a deck of cards.

"OH MY GOD! THIS CLUB IS SO HOT, YEAH!" Deidara yelled at Marisol. Marisol gasped.

"WHAT!? YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT A LOT? OKAY!" Marisol yelled back completely misunderstanding everything.

"DANA! DANA! SHOW THOSE BITCHES OUT THERE WHAT DIRTY DANCING REALLY LOOOK LIKE!" Itachi yelled at Dana.

"HUH? IS THAT ALLERGIC RASH BACK ON YOUR ARM, YEAH? YOU'VE REALLY BEEN ITCHING ALL NIGHT?" Okay, so it was obvious this place was so loud no one knew what anyone was saying.

Meanwhile outside, Kisame and Zetsu had already had their fill of the pier. It had been 45 minutes and Zetsu figured he had let Tobi suffer long enough on his own.

"Alright, let's go in that place and get Tobi. He has to sill be in there." Zetsu said.

"I can't believe we got free honey roasted pecans just because those vendors thought we escaped from a circus side show!" Kisame said.

"I know! How lucky are we!" Zetsu told him.

"Okay, let's go get Tobi. I hope he hasn't bothered too many people." Kisame said. Zetsu and Kisame walked closer to the building that was their destination.

"See, it's not that Tobi drives me crazy it's that he…..OH MY GOD! TOBI RAN IN TO A GAY BAR!" Zetsu shrieked mortified by what he and Kisame were about to walk in to.

"OH MY GOD! WE CAN'T GO IN THERE! I'M NOT THAT SECURE!" Kisame yelled.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO DO!? OH MY GOD TOBI IS IN THERE! HE'S TOO INNOCENT TO BE IN A GAY BAR! HE'S NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THE VILLAGE PEOPLE! AND HAS NO TASTE IN INTERIOR DECORATING! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO KISAME! OOOOOOH TOBI! WHY!?" Zetsu was in pure panic mode. So…..what now?


	9. Fire Burning on the Dance Floor

"Zetsu! Zetsu! Stop! Get your breath! You don't have your inhaler and you're on the verge of an asthma attack!" Kisame said trying to calm him down.

"WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO KISAME!?" Zetsu shrieked through his lack of air.

"Okay, just relax…we can get him out….let's just wait on everyone else to get here. They should be back shortly and we'll figure something out." Kisame said.

"OOOOOOH NOOOOOO! KISAME! IT'S DRAG QUEEN REVIEW NIGHT! KISAMEEEEEEEEEEE!" Zetstu was shaking Kisame back and forth.

"ZETSU! CALM THE HELL DOWN! I THINK I KNOW WHAT WE NEED…" Kisame thought for a moment.

"What!? What do we need?" Zetsu asked.

"We need someone articulate, manipulative, beautiful, easily agitated, overly critical, secretly insecure and totally up on today's fashion trends." Kisame said. Zetsu didn't say anything for a minute.

"WHERE ARE WE GOING TO FIND SOMEONE LIKE THAT, KISAME!?" Zetsu said still panicking.

"Deidara! Stop letting the bottom of those bags touch the ground, stupid!" Itachi hissed at Deidara as they approached Kisame and Zetsu.

"Itachi, why am I carrying all your bags anyway, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Hello Deidara!? Can't you see that I have a martini in one hand and Dana in the other!? God, you are so high maintenance sometimes!" Itachi was getting pissed with Deidara.

"OH MY GOD!" Kisame and Zetsu screamed at each other. It was a delayed reaction but at least they realized they had exactly what they needed.

"Hi Kisameeeee! Look…what..Deidara got me tonight! Isn't it beautiful?" Marisol said shoving her hand in Kisame's face to show off her beautiful blue topaz.

"That is definitely lovely Marisol." Kisame told her taking her hand in his.

"What the hell ever Kisame, Dana's diamond cost $15,000 dollars….Deidara paid what….$1000 dollars for that? Who loves who more here." Itachi said rolling his eyes.

"Yeah….but he also bought her a $700 dollar pair of high heels, a $4000 handbag, a $975 pair of sunglasses and a $1500 dress….why the hell do I know this…MY GOD I'VE BEEN IN FRONT OF THE BAR TOO LONG!!" Kisame said.

"Okay, so we're going back to the boat. Pein and everyone else aren't here yet so we're leaving." Itachi announced.

"No, no, no….don't…leave yet….they'll be here soon." Zetsu said poking Kisame to get him to tell Itachi the situation.

"Oh my god, me and Konan bought so much fudge! Look, we have like 15 pounds of fudge! I mean, we only planned on 8…but we got carried away." Pein said.

"SHUT….UP KAKUZU! WE ARE SO DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS! NOW GO TO HELL! Sorry Yunko. He obviously doesn't FUCKING GET IT!" Hidan and Kakuzu had been arguing over watermelon prices and how watermelon was one of the accepted fruits of Jasshin.

"It's okay, he's just stingy and a watermelon would be a sizeable fruit investment for him." Yunko said.

"Wow….you all bought a lot of shit." Hidan observed seeing at least 30 shopping bags between Itachi, Deidara, Marisol and Dana.

"Alright….now that everyone is here….we uh….we have a dilemma on our hands…" Kisame began to tell the situation. "Um…Tobi…he…uh…he ran into that gay bar over there….and we need someone to go in and get him." Kisame said nervously.

"Oh! Oh! Me! Pick me! I want to be gay!" Marisol said bouncing up and down just as happy as she could be.

"Yeah! Me and Marisol will be gay and go get him, yeah!" Dana said latching on to Mairsol's arm.

"Oooh, Marisol…sweet, innocent Marisol…you're offer is so kind…to go and get stupid Tobi…but honey…Tobi thinks you and Dana are just his fun girlfriends he can play with…and I don't mean that is any kind of sick sexual way… I mean he just thinks you two are all fun and games. He'd never listen to you." Kisame sighed.

"Well…I'll go get him." Kakuzu said. It was incredibly unlikely that Kakuzu would volunteer but it seemed to be settled.

"Alright, now go in there with fighting fists do you hear me? Don't let Tobi give you any crap!" Zetsu warned him.

"Okay, don't worry I'm come back with a Tobi." Kakuzu headed toward the bar but soon came running back. "I CAN'T GO IN THERE ALONE! IT'S A $25 COVER CHARGE! THOSE PRICES ARE OUTRAGEOUS! It's $15 dollars for a couple so someone needs to go with me HIDAN!" Kakuzu said.

"Seriously, I'm not going with you. Look, Yunko is already laughing so hard she might pee her pants and I need to be here to offer her my pants!" Hidan said.

"Well, then I'm not going because I'm not paying $25 dollars!" Kakuzu adamantly stated.

"Why the hell are you looking at me? I can't go in there, I'll be the best dressed and I could get hit on which makes me uncomfortable." Itachi said as Kisame stared him down.

"Oh you're going…you're perfect for this job. You haven't done shit all day but party on the boat and now is your time to redeem yourself. Now, take Deidara's hand; here's $15 bucks….get in there and get Tobi. Besides, Tobi's scared of you. He'll listen to anything you say." Kisame said.

"Oh my god! I've so never been gay before, yeah! This will be fun!" Deidara said wrapping his arms around Itachi's waist.

"LET GO OF ME DUMBASS! NOW COME ON! IT'S JUST A QUICK IN AND OUT! DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T TALK TO ANYONE!!" Itachi grabbed the fifteen dollars from Kisame with a death glare in his eyes. So off they went…

"Good luck, yeah!" Dana yelled.

"Hi! We are soooo gay, yeah!" Deidara said to whoever was at the door handing over the cash.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up dumbass!" Itachi mumbled to him. Finally, they were inside this place.

"Itachi, you're going to have to hold my hand, yeah. We don't look very committed." Deidara said reaching for Itachi's hand.

"I am not holding your hand!" Itachi said getting more pissed by the minute.

"Itachi, I am like such a good actor and you're not being convincing, yeah. I mean, do you want to look straight?"Deidara asked. Itachi was fuming.

"YES! YES! YES! HAVE YOU COMPELTELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT OUR PERFECT WOMEN WHO ARE WAITING ON US OUTSIDE !?"

"Well, no, yeah. But in here you have got to want to be with me! Now hold my hand!" Deidara said. But Deidara didn't give him a choice, he just grabbed Itachi's hand. Now, what better way to figure out where the hell Tobi was than to ask a bartender?

"Um yeah, hi! I'm really, really gay with him and we are looking for our…not as gay but still gay friend Tobi, yeah. Have you seen him. Okay, let me and the guy that I soooo love describe him for you he's…." Itachi cut Deidara off.

"Shut the….STOP TALKING! Okay, he's about this tall, really bad black hair, horrible dresser…" the bartender recognized this immediately.

"Oooooh you mean that guy with the wicked crazy dance moves? He's over there." The bartender pointed to Tobi…going berserk on the dance floor…dancing…horribly."

"Oh…my….god….he's making a complete ass of himself." Itachi said horrified.

"Oooooh he is, yeah. But it looks like he's made lots of friends, and look at all those mardi gras beads…how do you think he got those, yeah?" Deidara asked as he watched Tobi completely destroy Sean Kingston's latest hit.

"Well, they were shiny and he probably just took them." Itachi said. "Alright, here's the plan….one the count of three I'm actually going to hold your hand and we are going to have to get into that crowd…get Tobi and get the hell out. Deidara…I say this in the un-gayest way possible….don't' let go of me and I don't let go of you…if we get separated….we WILL get hit on….we might anyway….ready? let's go." Itachi said grabbing Deidara's hand tightly before entering the crowd.


	10. The Return Home

"Okay! Thanks, yeah! Except I don't mean to break your heart but I'm not going to call you. See, I sleep with Marisol, yeah. Wave Marisol!" Deidara told her as Itachi drug Tobi out of the gay club.

"Finally! Come on let's get back to the boat. Sasori and Lola are going to kill us! We've 30 minutes late." Kisame said.

Meanwhile, on the boat Sasori was laid back looking more comfortable than ever and Lola was lying backwards on top of him. This situation likely had involved too much alcohol because they were both smoking….something they both gave up nearly 12 years ago.

"It is so peaceful out here Lola, I'm so glad those stupid fucks bought this boat!" Sasori said.

"It really is, except for when everyone gets on this fucker and disturbs the peace." Lola told him.

"You know what we need to do? We, we…we, we need to, to…we need…to go to Massachusetts this year. When was the last time you went to Massachusetts?" Sasori said, obviously stumbling over his words from too much whiskey.

"I know you're fucking drunk right now and all but I would to go to Massachusetts this year. I mean god, we could stop off in Connecticuit and see ma' and pa. We could fuckin' stay on the fuckin' waterfront. My friend Tanzie, the one that works on fuckin' Wall Street has a place down there. We could stay there she wouldn't give a shit." Well, Lola was pretty wasted considering every other word in her sentence was fuck.

"And then we so….OH MY GOD LOLA YOU'RE SMOKING A MARIJUANA!?" Marisol shrieked at the top of her lungs to the point where she could only be heard by Kakuzu's sonar equipment.

"It's a cigarette dumb fuck! I don't do illegal drugs…anymore. Now get on the boat, don't fuck with my cigarette." Lola said slowly getting up from where she and Sasori were laying.

"Sasori! Where are her pants!?" Hidan asked.

"Oooh shit, we must have left those downstairs in the cabin. Will you go get them?

"I'm only doing this because I know you'll fall on your ass if you try, seriously." Hidan said.

"Lola! Hey Lola! Check this out. Me and Pein bought fifteen pounds of fudge!" Konan said holding up her bag. Lola took another long drag of her cigarette.

"Holy shit Konan. What the hell you gonna do with….fifteen….fuckin' pounds of fudge. Shit! I want to try some now!" Lola told her.

"Sweetheart, how much have you had to drink?" Konan asked.

"Just enough baby, just enough." Lola said.

"So, Sasori the problem you left the house with this morning has obviously been remedied right?" Pein asked.

"Huh? What proble………ooooooooh….oooooh yeah….that….yeah it's fixed." Sasori winked at Pein.

"My god, how are we ever going to get home? They are going to kill us all for sure." Zetsu was convinced of this.

"Zetsu! I made a lot of friends!" Tobi said happily.

"Shut up Tobi we are not discussing this. I am so mad at you I could kill you!" Zetsu said squeezing his arm making certain he didn't get away again.

"Did you want to see my beads?"

"No!" Zetsu said angrily.

"Aww.." Tobi said hanging his head down. Itachi was in complete pouting mode right now. He couldn't BELIEVE Kisame and Zetsu talked him into this crap tonight!

"Ooooooh Hidan! Thanks for my pants sweetheart. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey….you tell Yunko…no, no, no, no bring her over here I'll tell her myself!" Lola said. Hidan shoved Yunko under Lola's arm.

"Yunko, Yunko….I want you to know that I usually wear pants. It's Sasori's fault that they were left downstairs." Lola told her. "Okay, that's all I just wanted you to know that!" Lola shoved Yunko back at Hidan.

"Okay, we're getting ready to sail. Everybody sit down." Sasori said lighting another cigarette.

"Please, I'm begging you Sasori don't kill us….and where did you get those two packs of cigarettes?" Kakuzu asked.

"You know Lola, she could talk someone out of their life savings if she tried hard enough." Sasori told him.

"Go untie the back, I have the front." Lola told him. "And my god! Try some of that fudge! It's fuckin' fantastic." Lola told him. Soon the boat was untied and moving backwards.

"Itachi, will you hand me my blanket, yeah?" Dana asked. Maybe if she put some clothes on she wouldn't have to cover up.

"Ooooh! That's a good idea. I want to cover up with you!" Marsiol said climbing under the blanket with her.

"SASORI!" Lola yelled for really no practical reason.

"YEAH!" He yelled just as loudly at her.

"Here, I'm gonna' let this rope go and when it gets taunt you tie this mother fucker to the back, okay? Now watch the rope, you ready?" Lola finally finished up that cigarette.

"My god this is good fudge!" Sasori said a little distracted by the fudge.

"Hey, hey, hey! Focus! Are you ready?" Lola asked.

"Yeah, I'm ready. Let it go." Sasori reassured her. They seemed to have things under control spite the fact that he and Lola had downed a bottle and a half of whiskey. Soon, all ropes were in place and they were on their way to their home dock.

"It's been an eventful day hasn't it?" Kakuzu asked.

"It has, it's also been full of peculiar happenings." Kisame said. "I think Tobi has lost every privilege Zetsu ever gave him for the next month and a half."

"Serves that little brat right!" Itachi pouted.

"Oh get over it Itachi, you know you were fine with everything because you were prettier than anyone in there. And my god! You came out with a $25 gift certificate to Pottery Barn! You love Pottery Barn!" Kisame told him.

"Well…I was way more attractive than anyone else in there….and I do love Pottery Barn." Itachi admitted.

"Lola! I love you! You're so practical tucking the rope in like that! Come on let's eat fudge with Pein and Konan." Sasori said grabbing Lola and pulling her down into his lap.

"Here, let's try this peanut butter swirl!" Konan said.

"Konan! Smoke with me! Succumb to my bad influence!" Lola said shoving a cigarette toward Konan.

"Okay, but I'll only do this because you are so drunk and you'll be disappointed if I don't smoke with you." Konan admitted.

"Have you two been playing cards?" Kakuzu said finding a neatly put away deck of cards in the floor.

"Oh yeah, I think we forgot to put those up…you know…come to think of it we didn't make the bed downstairs or anything." Sasori said. "We should probably do that when we get home. Itachi and Deidara will kill us."

"Oh wow! Sasori! You have got to taste this maple fudge!" Pein said.

"God, I am going to be so sick tomorrow. I'm mixing fudge and whiskey which seems like a good idea tonight until Lola has to deal with me in the morning. Hell, who am I kidding we will both sleep half the day tomorrow. Hey! Do you all hear that!? Don't any of you bother us tomorrow morning or you might get your head ripped off!"and no one else responded to Sasori. "See, Pein? The story of my life…no one listens to Sasori. I mean you do, you do…if you lived in our house you'd know not to fuck with me in the morning!" Sasori told Pein.

"I would respect that, Sasori don't you worry." Pein said.

"Hey, Lola? Is that rope supposed to be that loose?" Kakuzu asked.

"What rope?" Lola leaned up and looked to where Kakuzu was pointing.

"Oh that? Yeah, that son of a bitch is fine." And Lola plopped back down where she was laying on Sasori.

"Seriously, she looks so peaceful that sloshed up." Hidan said.

"She does, she deserves it. It seems like Lola works pretty hard unlike….well Dana and Marisol they don't seem to do a whole lot." Yunko said. And she was right Dana and Marisol hadn't done anything on the boat all day. It was a pleasant night to sail back but their big day would be done once they returned to the dock.

Tobi had misbehaved all day, Zetsu was stressed over taking care of him, Pein and Konan were indulging on fudge, Dana and Marisol were curled up under a blanket with a pouty Itachi and not so pouty Deidara, Hidan had gotten to know Yunko better thanks to this trip, Kakuzu got to satisfy his lust for treasure by using his sonar equipment, Sasori and Lola hadn't been this wasted since New Year's Eve and Kisame got to sit back and take it all in. Another successful outing for the Akatsuki.


End file.
